Health Screening

In order to save my company money on insurance costs, we're being forced ^H^H^H^H^H^Hencouraged to participate in a "wellness" program. By participating, we get to pay less insurance rates. Really, ours just won't go up as much as someone who doesn't participate in the program. Since I want to save money, but don't really want to do the wellness thing, I signed up for it. But I'm going to make it hard on them. Oh, by the way, the person doing the health screening doesn't even have to be a RN. They only have to have a 4 year "health" degree.....

The first form i got to in my packet was a consent form. It had the following line which I crossed out. "I understand that M____y will not release the results of any test or screening to my employer, but may disclose what services I received if necessary to obtain payment." Sorry, but no, you may not tell my employer what tests I take, even to get money out of me. You can tell them I owe you money, but not what for. The next part I changed was this line, " M____y may provide statistical information to my employer that does not contain any health information that is individually identifiable." I added a NOT between may and provide. Sorry, I'm only doing this to save me money.

Now comes the fun bubble sheet. However, I can tell right away this will be a pain to fill out. Instead of the usual circles, its got rectangles. They are the size of 2 circles. Why can't they use the circles, they're so much easier to fill in. Here are some of my favorite questions. Remember, this form is to screen MY health.

Has your spouse or child been diagnosed with any of the following?
---Okay, the child part I can understand, with them being half of you. But spouse? What does that have to do with my health?

Is your spouse pregnant?
---See above. Mental health maybe, but this isn't to see if I'm crazy. You don't need a form to see that!

Do you perform testicular self exams on a monthly basis?
--This one is fun on many levels... I scratch them at least once a day, does that count? I answered no, just so I can say to them if they ask that I scratch my balls every day.

How many times in the past month did you drive while under the influence of drugs or alcohol, or ride with someone who was under the influence of drugs or alcohol?

In general, how close to the speed limit do you drive?

Someone tell me what these have to do with my "health". Sure they increase the risk of me dying and costing the company life insurance, but they don't have squat to do with my health. Maybe I just make bad choices! I guess the idea is if you don't care for your safety, you're more likely to cut of a limb or something. I'm leaving these blank.

Physical Activity
Okay, at least this section is relevant, but why do you make me fill in none for every thing I don't do. I'm not coloring in every one of your stupid rectangles. If I don't do it, I'm leaving it blank. Fill them in yourself.

General Nutrition
This section doesn't surprise me, but some of the questions it asks are phrased stupidly. Take this one: On average, do you drink caffeinated beverages (coffee/tea/soft drinks) more than three times a day? Now, how does the barrel of soda you can get at any fast food joint fit in? If I drink it all at once, it only counts as one time through out the day. Guess its a good thing I drink that, instead of 3 cups of tea so I can answer no to that question.